Tag: poem

You thought you couldn’t live without them. But the day came, and your heart went into pieces. Maybe in silence, maybe with a whisper or the wail of a storm crushing your ribs and veins. There you were. There you lay.

Hello, how have you been since then?

They sure did leave some wounds in you, didn’t they. Let me see. Oh. Oh? That’s quite different now. Tell me, tell all of us – aren’t you alive?

The scars are still there. Nothing to fear, no shame to be found in them. But look beneath. Watch what you did below.

You filled the emptiness that they left, and what you poured in was yourself. You. Your mind and heart and the ever-growing swell of your soul that you thought wouldn’t ever recover.

You’re surely not smooth. Don’t have a flawless surface or boring, dull evenness characterising your presence. 

“So full of themselves, that one over there,” the world says when they look at you. Yes, that you are. Nothing in the universe is better to fill your existence with than yourself.

my softness is earned and fought for. the fur of my head is silk when you have my trust. the claws of my hands are calm and protective for you if only i know that you deserve it. my voice calls out for you and your touch when your worth of my closeness is without danger, when the thunder outside is nothing more but light’s celebration of our connection in all of the world’s colours for i am safe in our home and you with me and i with us.

you never domesticated me. you couldn’t, could try and fail and i would laugh through white-sharp teeth at your desperation, so we do it another way and no, you weren’t asked, this way or not at all.

there is no obedience in the rumble of my heart and no screams no anger no cooing will bend me into the shape you want. i do not adjust to you. i make you mine and let you run for me. i am not yours or one of yours and neither do i belong just because you are somewhere; i simply am, and we exist together in the same space and my soul’s purr may light up your horizon, but you are not the beacon of my life. and your dominance is an illusion because we flow in a symbiosis where you believe to have the upper hand.

but never, never forget who I am.

that i came to you out of the wilderness with golden sunflecks on my fur and nature’s war at the tips of my paws. that i showed you the cool hope of water that kept you alive and that you climbed for us and i hunted and we grew together, stronger with the burn for adventure and the wideness of our lands, ours and not just yours.

know that you will only hear my purr if you know of the roar that lies awake in the bottom of my lungs.

don’t you dare forget who i am. i am the apex and have been and will be, and you are only here with me because i let you.

so you failed at something. it happened, it’s over, can’t be fixed or taken back.
cry. sob your eyes out. slam your fist against the wall, again, both of them, press your face into something soft and yell. scream, loud and wild and disappointed, until your throat hurts and you want to hate the world. tell yourself or someone else how unfair, terrible and mean the world is. lie on your bed. drown your mind in pity until your mouth is full of sadness and everything is salt and cold water. when the room has gone silent around you, take a breath, deep, slow.
good.
raise your head.
find the horizon.
and walk.

moami

there will come the day that you can breathe again. not just because you’re able to, but because you will. you will, you will, even after the smoke has rot-smoldered your cells into darkness you thought couldn’t be rebuilt. you will, with your eyes drinking in the sky until cerulean hums in your neurons like a symphony from hundred years ago, you will with your nails out like claws and dry lips that have tasted fire but still, you breathe, breathe, in and forward and out. there will come the day where your old veins fall into their components, when carbon and oxygen snap into new bounds, ions chasing your blood.

maybe it takes time to get your lungs used to the new scars on you. but they’re made from you, after all, woven from cells and born from your dna, and nothing could be more essentially you than that. breathe, and know that you are.

And he knew that he was loved
When this one didn’t try to make him adore this one more than anything, more than his own breath and the earth beneath his feet
But instead
Took his hand and asked him about the rainforest of his mind
Put this one’s lips on his shoulder and begged to learn about the night sky of his blood
Whispered a plea and wished to dead gods for him to see the twitch of his own muscles that could bear a roar of war-storms underneath
Instead of asking to be loved
This one leaned against him and spoke: I want to know how you love yourself
And when he could only answer that he had forgotten
This one watched, silent, just to say: May I stay and see how you remember yourself?
He thought about it, quiet, in the dark, and said: Yes. And then we can love me together, and you too, just as much.

Moami

“I know you want to hear that I love you,” Hajime tells him one day. Tooru is surprised – one minute they’re cuddling, and then Hajime reaches for his bag and pulls out a crumpled sheet of paper, his cheeks blushing a deep crimson. Tooru wants to ask what’s wrong, but Hajime just pushes the paper into his hands. “Just read it. I can’t say it out loud, so – please. This is for you. It’s yours.” 

And because Tooru is eternally curious and eager for Hajime’s words, he reads.

One day, my love, I’ll tell you 
How the white gold of your eyes
Conjured dawn’s kiss in my dead heart
Took my darkness with a smile 

And if silver dew of sadness
Crowns the blind spot in your chest
I will fight all of your battles 
I will lay your fears to rest

It’s quiet when Tooru sets the paper down. Hajime watches him, eyes flickering between the poetry and Tooru’s eyes. “Sorry if it’s bad.” 
But he goes silent when Tooru falls into his arms, silent tears on his cheeks, and curls against his chest like something tiny and vulnerable. “Don’t apologize,” Tooru whispers, kissing Hajime’s knuckles. “You gave me more than I love you, and that’s all I need. You gave me – you.” And Hajime just smiles, and holds him.

I am a storm in skin and flesh
The world’s an echo in my steps
And with the roar in my heart’s beat
I’ll burn your bones and make you bleed

I vent my anger through words.