One day, I’ll be able to introduce myself with a simple hello.
When they ask for my name, I’ll be able to say: “You know who I am.”
They’ll frown. They’ll think. Their lips will part. Tiny cogs start turning inside their head.
“So you are,” they will say. “You are – oh.”
I won’t say anything until their eyes go wide. “Oh,” they will repeat.
“Yes,” I’ll say, amused and impatient, already pushing my sleeves up. “Now close your mouth and pull yourself together. We’ve got work to do.”
so you failed at something. it happened, it’s over, can’t be fixed or taken back.
cry. sob your eyes out. slam your fist against the wall, again, both of them, press your face into something soft and yell. scream, loud and wild and disappointed, until your throat hurts and you want to hate the world. tell yourself or someone else how unfair, terrible and mean the world is. lie on your bed. drown your mind in pity until your mouth is full of sadness and everything is salt and cold water. when the room has gone silent around you, take a breath, deep, slow.
good.
raise your head.
find the horizon.
and walk.
It is midnight.
A new year of my life begins, and another adventure.
21.09.2015.
2 more days until my birthday.
It is almost unbelievable how much one year could change me. I have broken bonds with friends and woven new, stronger ones. There have been long, long times that I spent solely with myself, thinking too much and too deeply, but it was necessary. I have learned, changed, morphed into a new and old amalgamation of myself.
I have lost parts of myself. And I am not afraid anymore.
I have given up on being scared of the world, my own soul and body and what events my occur in the future.
My roots have always served me well, and I am proud and blessed to have them. But this past year has given me wings and wind underneath my ivory bones and strong feathers.
Flying is a journey, and no one can travel without being changed by it. And I have only just ascended.
One year and a few months ago, I started writing.
Before that time, stories only existed inside my head, as ideas and vague concepts of blurred pictures, sounds, scents.
One year ago, I started to put them into words. I started to learn new words, as English isn’t my native language, and I’ve learned to weave letters together.
If I pull a resumée after that one year… I think I’ve been doing well. And I can be proud of myself.
remind yourself its going to be okay. your teeth are sharp for a reason.
Nothing is ever lost.
Your existence is carved into the world’s surface. You do not simply die. You are stardust and the ocean’s water, and you return home into Mother Earth’s wooden heart.And if centuries and eons later, someone kisses his lover’s warm mouth – it might be your lips that feel the touch, and wherever you are, you will feel and remember.
That you are never lost.
Moami 