wear a three piece suit or a witch gown, drape yourself in chains of metal or a watch of wood, paint flower colours over yourself or illuminate every step in pure black – no matter how, just make it look like you inhabit this body.

do you seriously think that eurovision is better than the oscars? the oscars are the most important event in all the arts and across the entire world but okay

I can’t help but applaud you for the courage of even thinking of seriously comparing the oscars to eurovision but if you actually believe that the sum of all movies ever nominated and honoured at the oscars could compare to the drama, the extravaganza, the sheer overflowing theatrical peak of artistic glitter madness that one (1) act of eurovision alone brings to the stage, then neither science nor witchcraft can help you.

The Oscars: everything has to be perfectly organised, elegant and sophisticated
Eurovision: burn the stage. drown them in neon lights. breathe glitter into homophobic eyes. start a war. drama is your master and you will serve